Random Stories, Conversations, E-mails, and Things I Like to Talk About.

Today’s E-mail: Polygamy

Polygamy at its finest.  My hair is two-toned and awesome.

You may think this is weird.  It is.  When Jamie moved into the house, I had been dating Carlos for a couple months.  They hit it off, hence the reason I have about 3,001 photos of the two of them nearly making out and “having moments” with one another.  It’s a connection.  We all see it…and I’ve accepted it.  I decided early on that Jamie could use Carlos as her boyfriend as well.  This is when our polygamy conversations ensued.

Nikki:

Hello dears.

I think this e-mail chain can really take our relationship to the next level.  My other idea involves spending a weekend together watching “Big Love.”  (Jamie offered to watch every season with me…holding her to it.)

I am attaching our wedding portrait.  This is also going to be our next photo taken together…so start practicing poses.  Carlos…just look at your face.  You are such a pimp!!!!

Okay.  Enjoy.  Desktop background.  Hang it up.  Print it poster size.  In the meantime, I will be making a lawn chair with the image.

Adios. <– Carlos, I’m learning.  It’s all for you.

-I have no nickname and feel left out.

Carlos:

Hey babes! Hope you two are having a good day.  Jamie….please tell me what it is that you do..because I have no idea! Oh and Nikki thanks for using a terrible pic of my face for the wedding portrait…and that suit I’m wearing…TACKY! Anyone getting something good for lunch?

Nikki—MUAH!!

Jamie—Bye!

Bye?

That’s it?

I’ll choose to ignore that nothing-less-than-offensive email exit strategy for the time being. I can’t afford to get emotional mid-workday.

I’m having a great day – even better now that I’ve set our family portrait as my computer background. How is everyone else’s day going?

Apart from being one of your doting wives and caretakers, I work fulltime in PR and am a freelance food writer on the side. Since I work from home/where I feel like working from, I also consider myself a full-time domestic goddess.

I just had a pot sticker lean cuisine and, I have to tell you guys, it was less than satisfying. When is our first family dinner? Shall I make a pot roast? A casserole? Both equally romantic/polygamisty.

I keep wanting to insert words I’ve learned on Big Love like…the afterlife…and the covenant…the profit…are we ready for those?

Equal love to ALL,

Sisterwife Jamie

Nikki:

Wow.  I need to catch up on polygamist relationships.  Am I officially a “Sisterwife”?  First, that word alone creeps me out like you wouldn’t believe.  Being a “sister” and a “wife” are two very different things that should not coincide.  Ever.  Anyone with me on this?  I think our names should change daily.

My day is going well, thanks for asking!  That was very contrived, even through email.

I am about to go to lunch.  Going to eat a SmartOnes pasta dish and I will be very unsatisfied.  I see it coming.  I am still in awe at my speed eating last night.  I managed to tell Jamie an entire story while eating Thai food…not a good picture.  It all happened so fast and I am still feeling uneasy about it.

I’m ready for vocab lessons.

Someone just brought up “Funions” — how do you feel about those?  Since I have an issue with teeth brushing, (Monday should have been a record…I’m pretty sure I brushed my teeth 10 times…three in the morning alone) I feel like I wouldn’t touch one of them with the sheer thought that I would have human interaction at any point after eating them.  I think I have a problem.

Going to eat…

XO’s all around,

Sisterwife Nikki

Side Note: To this day, I haven’t watched Big Love once…must get on that.